Monday, August 22, 2005

Slips for Hobbits

Sometimes I like to pick-up the latest "US" or " People Mag" to see and read about all the fashion "oops" while I'm standing in the grocery line or having my hair cut. That way I know how ridiculous hollywood celebs look. Although, I admit I really admire Johnny Depp in his movies because at least there is a stylist dressing him, off camera, his wardrobe looks confusing. For some reason I am drawn into pages of the lately fat and pregnant Britney Spears. Is it because she is reminds me that trailer trash can reach the pinnacle of success and earn millions of dollars? When fashion writers announce a new trend and there is a picture of Britney who is a pioneer trend setter in the trailer trash meets escort service couture, I'm nervous to look at any young teen in a mall whose not so flat stomach is overtaking the $400.00 dress.

I'm blown away be today's fashion which stretches the extreme from itsy bitsy tops that expose the abdomen area to what appears, in my opinion looks like "maternity" over not pregnant jeans look. I'd like to know when did the slip camisole top thing that's shaped like a tent become such a big trend? Oh, you say Britney started this trend.....I recently tried on one of those trendy little curtain tops and could not stop laughing. The sales girl who was wearing the same thing didn't sense the humor and by the way, my stomach is much flatter than any twenty-something with fake ID, teen tart, thanks to Oprah's 300 daily stomach crunches. Unless you have long legs like Nicole Kidman and a body that is rock solid I recommend you purchase the top. Otherwise you will look like a female hobbit on her wedding day. I think a hobbit fashionista invented the slip tent tops to go over those hipster jeans so it hides the fat back and the love handles for the girls who misuse the privilege of the low-riders, and I believe it's also to hide the thong. I mean if you were a hobbit and had to look up and see all that junk in the trunk, you'd do something about it.

What do you think?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Menopause and Tom Cruise

Incidentally, I have to admit that Tom Cruise and I have many things in common at the present. He seems confused and disoriented and speaks without thinking consistently. He appears to look sweaty and clammy, remember his memorable interview with Matt Lauer on the Today show regarding his comments about Lithium and postpartum depression? Being diagnosed with premenopause as a young active and incidentally hot 40 year old, at least I don't sweat during the day only at night. I will admit that I wake up disoriented and somewhat confused, but I still manage to think before I speak. Its the irritability that I can't seem to control. Mr. Ski (number one in my universe), seems somewhat undisturbed by the whole "life transforming" bullshit change, always winking and smiling and telling me to get on the road bike and go for 75 miles today. He comforts me by telling me soon ski season will be here and you'll be skiing some deep powder sweetie and you'll forget your sweating. Yeah, I just smile, and feel my teeth grinding.I sleep with a bite guard.

Tom Crusie appears to have lost some of his peers or they have moved 6 degrees away from him. Me, I feel like I'm on an island where I chose to disconnect for the purpose of respect, caution and safety from my friends. However, I'm hopeful to say that I will soon leap through this "unstoppable hey I didn't sign up for this rite of passage". But poor Tom Cruise will still be engaged to the twelve year old claiming that he deflowered her, hiding beneath her (that girl is tall), preaching Scientology and jamming those beliefs into mouths of the Media and the public that I have to live with, and telling all women that there is no such thing as postpartum depression after giving birth.

Remember Brooke that guy's a dick with a dick that was talking.

Bush Sucks the Big Weenie

Straight forward with no eloquent or articulate vocabulary will be wasted on what I think about our President. He is a moron!
He is a pathetically born again, rich daddy's kid, oilman running this country into the ground, reaching depths lower than whale excrement!

When this country is ranked 16th in the world of technology in communications and when China sends over 1 million students to this year's world science competition and the US only sends an approximate 70,000 of its students, we should be thankful that we are 16th.

Bush is arrogant and has entitlement issues. If you support Bush I don't give a shit, you either voted for this dick head because of the tax bracket or your still sitting on the shitter!

Bring it on!

Friday, July 01, 2005

Chinese Firecracker Fire Hydrant July 4th




Here are some pictures of my fire hydrant. You can go to www.flickr.com to view in detail.
My Chinese Firecracker with be in company of a gnome, a lizard and two other fire hydrants also "dressed-up". They will be on a float parading through the "happy valley" on July 4th. Enjoy the view. Dogs welcome to take a look.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Volunteer Quitter

I quit for the following reasons:
• I'm not married and don't plan on it in the near future.

• I don't have kids, although kids are cute and I'm a big fan. Everyone speaks about their kids pooping for the first time and other mother-kid stuff, as I sit around silent and stupid.

• I don't connect to the rich and wealthy.

• When asked about Albert Vilar, who is the namesake for the Vilar Center, I find myself not defending him, but keeping quiet and asking the question, "What is it about the rich and wealthy?"

• The goal they have for the arts and my goal are globally different in terms of economics, market and art.

• I don't really need to connect to the community, unless it requires that my property tax is increased for some useless development.

Any comments?
Ms. AP

Monday, June 13, 2005

Jacko and Clowns: Yeah.....NO

I never really cared for Michael Jackson or for that matter clowns. I think the Burger King commercial with that scary looking, shiny, plastic life-size doll is a clown. Who eats at Burger King? And if you do eat at Burger King wouldn't you be offended by that scary looking depiction of royalty? Speaking of Royalty, Queen Elizabeth is a clown and her son Charles the clown is Dumbo the clown. Clowns are everywhere and they are rising in population. We have a President who wants to be a clown and treats the government like a three-ring circus.

Clowns are of no use to me. Dislike any clowns? Please share.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Commission to Paint Fire Hydrant

Five artists were asked to paint some fire hydrants for the upcoming fourth of July in the "happy valley". I remember not quite agreeing to this but somehow I'm told that the fire hydrant will be dropped off at my friends' studio with my name on it. Right now I'm empty on ideas but one concept sticks out like a sore thumb and that is to do a Jackson Pollock theme. If anyone has any suggestions on what to paint or if you want to express any disgust, please send me your comments. I'll thank everyone now.

The Apathetic Local

A few weeks ago I was sitting at a monthly meeting for a non-profit organization that focuses on raising awareness for the arts. Our goal as a group is to try and bring a younger, active, age group to attend and buy tickets to the Vilar Center and to participate in the enjoyment of the ballet, theater, music, and art openings. The group is made up of young active women in their mid thirties to early forties and one mystery male that everyone has met except for me, according to the group he seems to be "tied up with other organizations at the moment". I was asked to participate because I have worked as a graphic artist and art director for a combined 15 years and they needed some assistance and pro bono marketing work. What the heck, I'll put on my AngelPants and do something nice, besides, they all seemed pretty cool. I've attended three meetings so far which begins with eating appetizers and drinking lots of wine. We sit around and discuss how to raise money and raise awareness to people our age. Lots of ideas float around. Being an extremely detailed oriented individual (mind you I'm not a perfectionist, that would be selfish and conceited), I begin to get excited as I concept ideas and plans on how to get into the pockets of the rich and selfish that live in my "happy valley". Soon the little wine I've drank, takes over my being and I sit happily sedate, smiling and agreeing at everyone else's comments and suggestions as if I were a parrot. I'm soon swimming away from the pier - I may drown and no one may save me, but the two hours pass quickly and the meeting comes to an end where I find myself writing a list of duties the organization needs from me; a flyer for an upcoming rummage sale. "Oh Goody". What did I get myself into.

I'm going to give this another shot. So I will be attending another meeting because I still want to meet the one mystery male and well, because I'm intrigued with the group and I think I believe what it stands for (yeah...maybe). By the way did I say Vilar Center? In case you're wondering, Albert Vilar was recently mentioned in the news, being indicted for mishandling funds in the total amount of $5 million that he mingled or, if you wish, spilled into his own personal account. The stated $5 million belonged to one investor. Albert Vilar is the namesake of the Vilar Center. Yesterday's headline news in the local paper mentioned he could not post his own bail. I should have loaned him my AngelPants.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

A Few Words About Men

MENdacious: having lied in the past, or prone to lying at any time
MENdacity: deliberate untruthfulness
MENfolk: men in general or considered collectively
MENhir a: large single upright stone, erected by prehistoric people, thought to have been used for astronomical observations…really!
MENial: relating to or involving work that requires little skill or training
MENopause: the time in a woman’s life when menstruation diminishes and ceases usually between the ages of 45 and 50 – Also called change of life
MENstruate: use a dictionary
MENstrual Cycle: a chronological time frame of a woman's mood swings

That's all for now!